One Year Ago Today

my-snapshot_14What was I doing?
What has happened?
What did I learn?
What did I miss?

Honestly I have no idea what I was doing, too much has happened and I have learned a few too many valuable lessons to write them out here.
I DID learn, however, to once and for all rid myself of people who put conditions on our friendship.

Did I lose a lot of friends? Yep.
Do I miss those friends? Nope.  If you are going to put a condition on our friendship then I see no reason to continue being your friend. If you tell me that we cannot be friends for XYZ then you are basically telling me that I have to jump through hoops for just you. Hoops that I would have probably jumped through anyway if you had not forced me to telling you I wouldn’t jump into since you forced my hand, because I loved our friendship but since you had to be selfish and demand that I choose between you or the other person, I chose ME.

What did I miss this last year.

You.

Gotta go now. There are great people out there that I haven’t met yet and I am busy getting to know more each day.
Maybe you should have thought about that before you treated me like garbage and a plaything.
I was never a toy or a piece of trash.
I finally learned after all these years that you tried to tell me all along you were a troll I just wouldn’t listen.  I had actually thought you were my FRIEND.. what a gag. YOU my FRIEND. I can actually laugh about that now. I can sit back and have a great big old belly laugh at the fact that you cannot have REAL friends. You can only have friends with conditions. However, I learned. I got it. I was never real, it was all fake. I finally got it.
I finally did.

I hope you enjoy trolling around for someone else to break. This old girl has many great new people in her life that really do care about her and she is VERY happy about it.

God bless and keep you all.

Remember to smile at someone. You never know if your smile makes the entire difference in someone’s day.
See you soon.

Love ya

Tina

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Just another day in paradise!

1918192_10153938902537298_8134779946552445220_nI used to just let people run all over me. Let them hurt my feelings and use me like a rug or a walking mat because I didn’t think that I would have better.

Since my x and I broke up (not the ex husband but the x boyfriend) I have learned how to be stronger in my resolve and how not to be a welcome mat for men. It really is empowering to say the least.

You truly know your self worth and you have complete control over what happens in your own life. Gone are the days of waiting on texts and messages and waiting on a man to get online to spend time with me. If a man wants to spend time with me he will MAKE time, I won’t wait anymore. I am worth it. I am worth someone’s time and energy. I am important enough.

Well I am going to go now. I hope you all are having a great day! Love and kisses.

Tina

 

Goodbye Uncle Clarence. I love you.

It is so sad when we lose family.
Sadder when you cannot feel comforted by the family that you have lost that remains.
My dad’s brother-in-law passed away this morning. He was diagnosed with cancer. His wife, my dad’s sister Sally (sara) Smith passed years back with cancer herself. In a time when we can cure so many other disease why are so many of our loved ones dying of a disease that seems so rampant now? I struggle with this.

The last time I spent with my uncle was sitting across from him while we waited in the family waiting room for my Uncle Donald Wallace’s body to arrive to the hospital after he suddenly passed away at home. He was so hurt and was wringing his hands and was so quiet. I gently told him that I would do anything that they needed me to and that I would handle all the calls if he wanted me to because I could see how upset he was. He said “okay.” Shortly my dad arrived and we exchanged several short conversations but they were very soft and quiet and I believe these were the most real conversations I have ever had with my father in my life. However short they were, these were the most serious and adult situations I have ever been in with my father. I had not gone to visit Uncle Clarence in quite some time. I would call and speak to him on the phone, but our last phone call was heartbreaking and I knew it would be our last. He could barely talk and seemed almost unable to form his words. He hung up on me first because it seemed he couldn’t answer the phone and then when he did answer the phone the second time when I called back he sounded like he had been asleep but he said he wasn’t. I think he might have been lying to save face and to keep chatting for a few moments. I quickly got off the phone but not before I told him I loved him and that I would talk to him again soon. I had no idea how sick he had gotten. I knew that the cancer was there, and I had gone to the hospital to see him once before but no one had even given any of us the clue that he was near death until last night. They called my father on Christmas evening to tell him he was in the hospital with pneumonia. I told my mom that I could wear my new pj’s she bought me (they looked like regular clothes actually) to visit him at the hospital before I went home. By this time it was almost 9pm and I was tired. She told me that he just went in so I could go in the morning or today. I had to turn my phone off because I forgot my charger and when I woke up this afternoon, she had texted me. All the text said was Uncle Clarence died at 4am this morning.

He was an United States Army Veteran, he retired from the Army. I was there the day he retired. It was great to be able to say that I was. There was a story about his commanding officer who was black, who had no idea that my grandmother had an intense bigotry about blacks. (Which is NOT shared by myself) So someone (who knows who did it now, I cannot remember) told him to give her a big kiss on the lips and they took a photo or threatened to take a photo…. I thought my grandmother was going to die! That is what I remember from it, that and tickling my cousin until she dropped her drink. It embarrassed her in mess hall and she hated me for it. Those are the biggest memories. I also remember the day that my cousin got married, it was at their house. Always welcoming. He never was mean to any of us kids unless he needed to raise his voice to tell us to tone it down LOL . When Sally died it took his heart because he loved her with his whole heart. He traveled to visit his extended family but he was never happy again fully. He just wanted to be with her.
All I can think of is this poem and I will close with it. With respect to the Author . (This is the first thing I heard when I started this blog. )

 

Do not go gentle into that good night
Dylan Thomas, 1914 – 1953
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
I love you uncle clarence!!! Rest now.

Degree Motion Sense Dry Spray

12307330_959036767498476_3234669340781309112_o     I have got to let you all in on my new favorite and possibly one of my newest luxury items. I received a box from Influenster for testing. Nestled inside I found a bottle (a full bottle I might add) of Degree Motion Sense Dry spray Antiperspirant.

I was hesitant to try a new type of deodorant since I had to use the same one all the time after realizing that I had the most horrible time with body odor due to chemicals after surgery. (To date so far I have had 15 surgeries that is. ) my trusty sidekick a.k.a. arrid extra dry was no longer working for me, matter of fact it was actually speeding up the process and it was so embarrassing. Especially someone of my weight. I had never, EVER had body odor. At my heaviest I always made sure that I didn’t smell badly. However, no matter how clean I washed or kept I had body odor.

The idea of making a change, even a small one to test out this product was scary to say the least. I had doctors appointments and had to go out into the public so it was really stressful and I would find out for sure just how great this product worked.I have no idea why I was so worried. This is a miracle! It goes on without any color. No powder residue and it dries on contact. The scent isn’t overwhelming and the protection lasts and lasts. Way better than the deodorant I switched after mine failed .

     My suggestion is visit your local Walmart and pick up a bottle of Degree Motion Sense Dry Spray! It has a 48 hour hold and goes on and dries instantly! If you have any questions about how to join Influenster or about this product please feel free to contact me right away!(REMEMBER It is 100% free to join and 100% free to review products! You never pay for anything, one person per household please.) #TryDry Product
Tina C.

wow!

Wow, a friend from Facebook found this blog and I hadn’t realized that I still had it sitting here just waiting for me to use it.

The last blog I wrote was about my six year relationship. The guy that I had worshiped for so long but he was married. He lied to me all that time and just finally decided to come out and tell me the truth.

He finally just got nasty with me and we had a falling out and that was it. I ended up telling him what I thought about his new gf/wife what ever she was and how he treated me and that was the end of our relationship. But honestly we didn’t have anything. He never shared his life with me. He only wanted to use me for his gain. His pleasure, his toy. That is all I was to him. Something he could take off a shelf and play with, hurt and then take back and put back up until he wanted to take me back down again.

I am  happy to say that I have met a wonderful guy now. He is amazing. He and I don’t have the perfect relationship. That would be a lie, but what we do have is a hundred times better than what I had with the liar. He is honest with me, he actually cams with me and we have honest conversations not like before with the guy that made empty promises and never showed up.

I am in a much better place now, it is not perfection but I don’t think I will ever be able to find a perfect life for myself. I think I effed that up a long time ago. When I decided that a normal relationship wasn’t what I would ever be able to have.

Oh well.. I am glad that I have moved on.

Happier and healthier

🙂